GREETINGS Y'ALL!!!

Whud-da Yew Know? The time has come for Jennifer's 2nd annual listing of Hicktown perks...

TOP 10 REASONS WHY I LOVE HENRIETTA

10. We've got great roadkill. Top of the line, USDA Grade A roadkill. Mmmm, Mmmm gud. In fact, our roadside delicacies are so good here that one of my friends had a "Bring your own shovel" graduation party where we had a scavenger hunt for that perfect cut of plastered petrified possum, smeared skunk, annihilated armadilla, etc. Ya just can't do things like that just anywhere.

9. Sing-a-long with Barney (and Jennifer):
I love bugs,
They love me.
In my bed they like to be...
[I have a nightly bed fumagation ritual after sleeping with one scorpion under my pillow and sitting on another 2 days later. ]

8. Only in Henrietta can I be a grandmother at the ripe-old age of 20. Yes, I'm the proud grandmother big fat beast of a grandchild. She's just like her mother... horned, onery, and a hell-raisin' fool. I did my best to raise Matilda (her mother) right. I bottle-fed Mattie every morning and night, rain or shine, but still, she has now become part of those horrific pre-teen pregnancy statistics (ok, maybe 3 is a little early to be considered pre-teen). But alas, none of this truly matters because my grandbaby was put up for adoption a couple of weeks ago and now she is gone. Daddy Klein took her to the cattle sale and sold her before I even knew she was born. Such a tragedy. At least I still have Matilda, the classiest and spunkiest Hereford heifer this side a thuh Pecos.

7. I can pick boogers in peace. (Booger, of course, being my older sister's yellow snot of a pet cat )

6. Daddy Klein has tea with the county judge, the justice of the peace, and a majority of the police department at the Dairy Queen on weekday mornin's, so, let's just say that in Henrietta, my connections are stronger than both my lead foot and my V-8 engine.

5. In Henrietta, the greater questions of life, the philosophical ponderings of "What's the meaning of life?" all condense into the REAL question of human existence: FORD, CHEVY or DODGE?

4. Church services can be shortened to one sentence: Pray for rain.

3. I get... like...Free Tanning!!!!! At a bachelorette party a couple of weeks ago, the prissy-butt girls were so excited when I told then I was going to be painting a cattle chute. Oh ma ga!!! You can paint in your bikini and get a fabulous tan!!!!! I can just picture it, Jennifer Klein paintbrush in hand, climbing the fences at the barn in my swimsuit.... swinging around trying to reach the 20-foot-tall highbars... anyone driving by might mistake me for a pole dancer [CRINGECRINGECRINGE].

2. A kindergartner could give road directions in Henrietta. There is THE highway outside of town which leads to THE 4-lane main street (Omega -- symbolic, of course, because Henrietta truly is the end of the earth) which leads to THE stoplight, where you turn twice to get to THE grocery store. THE school. That means no Target. No Wal-mart. Think ghost town + Dairy Queen, Sonic and a cattle feed store.

1. If ever I am met with a conversation like "My Daddy is the CEO of the multi-million dollar Bru-Ha-Ha Company. What do your parents do?" I will always have a way to end the conversation: "Well, MY Daddy drives a tractor. SO THERE."

And the list goes on...